Help to Find Love

Helping single women over 40 to find their love

Six Lessons Learnt from Internet Chatting

Published by Alicia on August 27, 2009

Well I don’t know about you but in my younger years, I met my guys through friends or at the local dances. Even then, I did not date much as I was married by the time I was nineteen. The marriage did not last past four years before I took up with another and this time managed nineteen years. I found myself dissatisfied with my lack of happiness and eventually left the marriage. I was then single, footloose and fancy free to do exactly what I wanted.

It did not take me long before I was on the hunt again, but this time I was using the internet. I started to use this medium because I could not really see me hanging out in bars or at nightclubs trying to make eyes at cute men. For a start I did not think that I was particularly attractive to a potential beau. I am overweight. In addition, it is a very hit and miss process, time consuming and sometimes expensive.

jokeThe area that I had tried the most was IRC chat rooms. If you have tried these programs, then you know that it is totally uncontrolled and that conversations can be quite ‘interesting’. The first room I went into was very confronting and I think I lasted about a minute or two before exiting rapidly. I had been approached by about 10 men in separate windows within a heartbeat. It was silly to run because they did not know who I was or where in the world I lived. It was just because it was a new place and I had not known what to expect.

I guess one of the problems with the internet is that you really don’t know who you are talking to. People lie about themselves because they feel that they are anonymous. I remember talking to this great sounding guy once and after a few days of chat he revealed that he was actually a she! I was not impressed. I look back on those days with a lot of fondness as I learnt numerous things.

Words exchanged can allow you to really get to know the inner person. Initially I had talked to a few people that I had no idea what they looked like. When I finally did get to see their picture after about six months, I was very surprised. I probably would not have given them the time of day had I seen their picture initially, but now I had made several very good friends. They always say not to judge a book by its cover, and they are right.

People lie. I have come across this fact many times now. Fortunately I have not been badly hurt or anything but I have heard of some who have. The main areas that people lie in are their age, their looks and their marital status. I am sure there are many other little things that people may lie about, but those were the main ones that irritated me.

You can love more than once. At this point in my internet exploration I was talking to all sorts of people from all around the world and I actually fell in love with a few, just through chatting online. I did not have webcam at that point so it was all chatting online. I even went to the extent of visiting a few of those people. I visited California, Canada, Germany and Spain with the specific aim of meeting people that I had chatted to online. People doubt that real love can happen online, but for me it certainly did and a couple of times. It convinced me that there is more than one Mr Right out there for me.

Long distance relationships can be a problem. If I fell in love with Mr Right and he lived in another country, what would I do? In fact I did face this and my guy was in Spain. In the end I did travel to Spain to meet him. By the time I traveled to see him, he had already moved onto another relationship so it was not an issue for me. However, had I still been serious about him, I would have had to consider moving to a different country and learning another language and culture. Not only that, I would have really had to spend some actual ‘face-to-face’ time with him to make sure we were actually compatible. How do you practically do that unless you travel and spend time with each other? Additionally you would have some ‘interesting’ phone bills. People do it and make it work but after a while I opted not to start chatting to people from other countries. Even in my own country, I was careful of distance issues. I started to confine my search to just my city.

Chatting online is not enough. To advance a relationship, you need to meet in ‘real life’. You may think that you like them, but it is not until you actually meet that you find out whether the chemistry is there for a longer lasting relationship. In addition, I watch out for habits that irritate me. If something like constant clearing of the throat annoys you at your first date, then I can almost guarantee you that after a few years of that, it will almost turn you insane. You must listen to your gut feelings about things like that. If everything is perfect and that is the only thing annoying, then you must turn that irritation into an endearment – a charming quirk that you just ‘love’ about him.

There are men out there who just love overweight women! Well this one was important to me. I am sure others will like this revelation as well.

Today we have moved onto social networking and/or dating sites to find love but the above points are just as relevant. In fact, whatever dating site you do use, I would highly recommend one with a chat facility. It is amazing how quickly you can get a ‘feel’ for what that other person is like. Exchanging emails can also enlighten you but it is far more stilted and there can be days in between each new email. Regardless, I do recommend online communication with the potential guy to get to know them first. If you don’t do this, you could end up with a whole heap of dates that finish very quickly and were a waste of time. Looks and financial security are not everything.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

Do you NEED to Find a Man?

Published by Alicia on August 17, 2009

Do you find yourself yearning for someone else in your life to give you purpose?  Do you want to get involved in his hobbies and activities and help him achieve his goals?  Do you want to immerse yourself in his life to give you happiness?  Do you find yourself wandering around not knowing what to do next?  Do you find that your life feels empty? Heaven forbid are you also depressed because you can’t find this man for your life?

Well I hate to tell you, but you have a problem.  You see, I was the same and I am sure there are many others out there with the same thoughts.  It is not that there is something wrong with us per se but there is definitely something wrong with our thinking.

When I found myself single after nearly 30 years of marriage (my choice), I just wanted to find another man.  I wanted one to complete my life.  I thought that I needed to find someone that would complement my interests and goals and personality.  I wasn’t in a particular hurry because I also enjoyed the freedom to do whatever I wanted and when I wanted.

So, I started my search and I met heaps of men and had a variety of success.  I met men that I only saw once or a couple of times.  I also met men that I ended up having long term relationships with, ie years.  Most of these men were, in my opinion, unsuitable to live with though.  I think that having been married for so long (3 different relationships), I sure knew what I did not want pretty quickly.

But back to the original intent of this article, did you know that if you lived your life for your man, ie immersed yourself in his hobbies and interests etc, not only might you be smothering him, but you are also denying yourself.  Aren’t you important enough to have your own interests, hobbies, friends, dreams etc?  The real danger may be that you say …”Well I don’t have any really”.

How come you don’t have goals?  You can’t have goals unless you are with a male to give you some direction?  This is a major warning sign that you need to get a life!

Now this may sound a touch insulting but it is not intended that way.  What I mean by this is that you need to become ‘whole’.  Having a partner DOES NOT make you whole.  You need to have your own purpose in life, your own passion to follow and grow within yourself.  It is this journey of self discovery which will make you whole and wonder of wonders confident in the process!  Also, the fantastic side effect of this is that you will glow with confidence and satisfaction with life because you are pursuing your dreams.  In addition because of your self assurance, you will attract your Mr Right.  You will be irresistible to him.

Now that is a goal worth pursuing.  Hang in there with me as I grow this site and get you to the same level of success and love in your life.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,