Help to Find Love

Helping single women over 40 to find their love

ARE YOU READY TO FIND LOVE?

Published by Alicia on August 16, 2009

I learnt the hard way that I was not ready to find love at all.  I spent a number of years searching to find love.  I met many men online, formed relationships and then met them.  Some of the men were average, some really nice and some wonderful and possible loves.

I then found the one that I thought would be my Mr Right and I moved in with him after a couple of weeks of knowing him.  As I had been single for a while, I wanted to see how compatible we were living together.  I probably would not have done this except that he lived three hours away.

With one thing and the other it did not last past a few weeks.  Surprise, surprise you may be saying but I did see real potential in him.  I committed some cardinal sins though – I slept with him the day I met him (no chase for him there!), I constantly talked about my feelings and how we were progressing (also a no no – men hate listening to that emotional stuff) and finally I was not improving mentally!  No – I am not a nutter but I did have depression at that time.  And yes I know, I would not see a difference that early but in fact I seemed to be getting worse with some panic attacks happening.

You see, I was not ready for love.  Corny as it may sound, I did not love myself and I had huge self worth issues.  I am mumbling to myself here as I say ‘you have to love yourself before you can love another’.  I had always hated that saying and in fact did not really understand how I could love myself.  What I mean is, I had really only heard things like …look in the mirror and say to yourself every morning … “I love you”.  Well I think many of you would agree that this sounds soooo corny and how in the world would that make any difference to find love?

Over the next number of months I pulled back my efforts in the dating area and decided that I needed to find out how to love myself and get out of depression.  I kept a couple of close friends for ‘hugs’ and went on my search.

While I will talk about being a better ‘you’ to make yourself into a guy magnet, I will also give you the benefit of my years of online dating experience and help you find a variety of resources to assist you in your own search to find love.  

Your feedback on what you would like to hear about would also be appreciated.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

 

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Why You Would Want to Pay for a Dating Site

Published by Alicia on August 30, 2009

Why would you pay for an online dating service when there are so many on the internet which are free?  Well I suppose that it all depends on how serious you are in your search to find love.  You need to determine what your needs are and make the decision that is right for you.  I have used both types and there are definite differences.

Firstly, it is free and you get what you pay for.  If the site is free, the owners need to make money in some way and mostly they opt for advertising.  Their focus is likely to be on selling ads rather than wanting you to find love and leave their site.  In addition, because it is free, all sorts of people may sign up for fun or to kill an hour or two of boredom.  Also, because there is no payment, no credit cards are produced which would have limited under-aged people.

Secondly, free dating sites often don’t have the features of paid sites.  The software of the site could be cumbersome and slow to load and filtering processed could be limited.  In the end you could find yourself wading through heaps and heaps of profiles to find potential dates.  Contrast this to a paid site that may have matching software and only show you men that will potentially match your personality and interests.

Thirdly, people who pay to be a member of a dating site are showing much more commitment to their search to find love.  By using a paid site you are almost guaranteeing that potential dates are serious and as a by product, they are willing to pay money and they have the money to pay for it.  These are both indicators of at least some financial security of your potential match.

Fourthly, you are more likely to find quality people on paid sites.  They have probably discovered that free dating sites are in fact very expensive with respect to time.  This is a statement that their time is valuable.  This is potentially a good thing.  I say potentially because you don’t want someone who is so short of time that they don’t have the time to devote to the development of a relationship either.

Fifthly, free dating sites are a virtual paradise for all sorts of scammers, con artists and dubious types.  Paid sites are not totally free of these people but they have motivation to remove people of this type from their sites.  Paid sites receive a lot of subscriptions from word of mouth and their reputation.

Sixthly, with paid dating sites, you can often enjoy features such as live webcam, photo uploads, private phone calls and many other things.  They are also generally a safer and more secure computer environment.

Having basically recommended paid dating sites over free dating sites if you are serious in your search to find love, would I ever encourage you to use a free dating site?  Yes, of course.  Initially, free dating sites are perfect if you just want to find out how this scene actually works.  It could be a way of putting your toe in the water so to speak.  Alternatively, a lot of paid sites do have free membership trials that you could experiment with.  Be careful to read all terms of service if taking up a free trial because sometimes your credit card will be automatically debited at the end of the trial.  Make sure you know how to cancel the service if it is not what you want.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

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