Help to Find Love

Helping single women over 40 to find their love

ARE YOU READY TO FIND LOVE?

Published by Alicia on August 16, 2009

I learnt the hard way that I was not ready to find love at all.  I spent a number of years searching to find love.  I met many men online, formed relationships and then met them.  Some of the men were average, some really nice and some wonderful and possible loves.

I then found the one that I thought would be my Mr Right and I moved in with him after a couple of weeks of knowing him.  As I had been single for a while, I wanted to see how compatible we were living together.  I probably would not have done this except that he lived three hours away.

With one thing and the other it did not last past a few weeks.  Surprise, surprise you may be saying but I did see real potential in him.  I committed some cardinal sins though – I slept with him the day I met him (no chase for him there!), I constantly talked about my feelings and how we were progressing (also a no no – men hate listening to that emotional stuff) and finally I was not improving mentally!  No – I am not a nutter but I did have depression at that time.  And yes I know, I would not see a difference that early but in fact I seemed to be getting worse with some panic attacks happening.

You see, I was not ready for love.  Corny as it may sound, I did not love myself and I had huge self worth issues.  I am mumbling to myself here as I say ‘you have to love yourself before you can love another’.  I had always hated that saying and in fact did not really understand how I could love myself.  What I mean is, I had really only heard things like …look in the mirror and say to yourself every morning … “I love you”.  Well I think many of you would agree that this sounds soooo corny and how in the world would that make any difference to find love?

Over the next number of months I pulled back my efforts in the dating area and decided that I needed to find out how to love myself and get out of depression.  I kept a couple of close friends for ‘hugs’ and went on my search.

While I will talk about being a better ‘you’ to make yourself into a guy magnet, I will also give you the benefit of my years of online dating experience and help you find a variety of resources to assist you in your own search to find love.  

Your feedback on what you would like to hear about would also be appreciated.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

 

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Do you NEED to Find a Man?

Published by Alicia on August 17, 2009

Do you find yourself yearning for someone else in your life to give you purpose?  Do you want to get involved in his hobbies and activities and help him achieve his goals?  Do you want to immerse yourself in his life to give you happiness?  Do you find yourself wandering around not knowing what to do next?  Do you find that your life feels empty? Heaven forbid are you also depressed because you can’t find this man for your life?

Well I hate to tell you, but you have a problem.  You see, I was the same and I am sure there are many others out there with the same thoughts.  It is not that there is something wrong with us per se but there is definitely something wrong with our thinking.

When I found myself single after nearly 30 years of marriage (my choice), I just wanted to find another man.  I wanted one to complete my life.  I thought that I needed to find someone that would complement my interests and goals and personality.  I wasn’t in a particular hurry because I also enjoyed the freedom to do whatever I wanted and when I wanted.

So, I started my search and I met heaps of men and had a variety of success.  I met men that I only saw once or a couple of times.  I also met men that I ended up having long term relationships with, ie years.  Most of these men were, in my opinion, unsuitable to live with though.  I think that having been married for so long (3 different relationships), I sure knew what I did not want pretty quickly.

But back to the original intent of this article, did you know that if you lived your life for your man, ie immersed yourself in his hobbies and interests etc, not only might you be smothering him, but you are also denying yourself.  Aren’t you important enough to have your own interests, hobbies, friends, dreams etc?  The real danger may be that you say …”Well I don’t have any really”.

How come you don’t have goals?  You can’t have goals unless you are with a male to give you some direction?  This is a major warning sign that you need to get a life!

Now this may sound a touch insulting but it is not intended that way.  What I mean by this is that you need to become ‘whole’.  Having a partner DOES NOT make you whole.  You need to have your own purpose in life, your own passion to follow and grow within yourself.  It is this journey of self discovery which will make you whole and wonder of wonders confident in the process!  Also, the fantastic side effect of this is that you will glow with confidence and satisfaction with life because you are pursuing your dreams.  In addition because of your self assurance, you will attract your Mr Right.  You will be irresistible to him.

Now that is a goal worth pursuing.  Hang in there with me as I grow this site and get you to the same level of success and love in your life.

To Success and Passion in Your Life!
Alicia

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